One Variable Parenting
It’s well established that I’m no parenting expert
I’m a guy who loves being a dad and I’m trying very hard to get better at it. For me that means challenging some old parenting notions and more importantly helping my kids become self aware by increasing my own self awareness.
The thing that sparked this journey for me was an idea that dawned on me early in my parenting career. I realized that there is really only one variable to parenting. In general kids will act up act out and try to find their boundaries. They may be exceptional or have special needs. The only variable in all of this is how you respond. Thats why I believe in One Variable Parenting.
When Did This Happen?
Im not sure the exact moment or incident this occurred for me. But I know in general that my early dad days were fraught with frustration. I didn’t like the dad I was becoming. Yelling and demanding were not what I envisioned. That’s when this notion of one variable hit me. I realized I actually have a choice in how I respond. This was a very freeing and powerful realization. I was no longer bound to frustration or old paradigms. Instead I now had complete control over myself despite what occurred around me. Of course things like frustration still arise but now I decide what to do with it.
What Did I Do Next?
I often say simple and easy are 2 different things. This was simple….not easy. How the hell was I going to accomplish this?
Ive learned that for me if I want to make any meaningful change I need to practice that change when its easy. I began scheduling time to check in with myself.
I made meditation part of my day. Before bed and as soon as I wake. I’m definitely not a pro at it but its had the desired effect of deliberate calm.
I sought out new ways to grow and learn as a dad. Reading constantly has been a huge help. I found a fantastic course on Mindvalley from Dr Shefali that absolutely changed my outlook. I looked for ways be aware and in control of my emotions…not just ignore them and then dump them on my kids.
This is what Happy Dadding is to me. It’s to enjoy the process of becoming the best version of yourself, so you can help your kids be the best version of themselves. My dad always says you are who you want to be, so what kind of dad do you want to be? What’s your plan to get there? You expect the best from your kids ….. can they expect the same from you?
Happy Dadding everyone!!